Finally coming to an end?

By Bill Devol

Robert Strange McNamara died this week. His decisions as Secretary of Defense from 1961 until 1968 helped kill nearly 60,000 Americans in the Vietnam War.

I have a friend that has always said the most horrible disease on earth wasn’t long enough or painful enough for Robert S. McNamara.

Joseph L. Galloway, a columnist for the McClatchy Newspapers, started his piece about McNamara’s death with the following sentence:

“Well, the aptly named Robert Strange McNamara has finally shuffled off to join LBJ and Dick Nixon in the 7th level of Hell.”

Mr. Galloway is referring to the part of the Seventh Circle of Hell in Dante’s Divine Comedy where murderers are boiled in a river of blood for all eternity.

Not all the biggest players in the Vietnam War are dead yet. The most famous future member of the Seventh Circle of Hell who is still on the right side of the grass is 86-year-old Henry Kissinger, former National Security Adviser and Secretary of State.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of lesser-known people that helped get Americans killed in Vietnam; most of them are older than I am. Most of the Vets from Vietnam are older than I am. Most of the people that protested the Vietnam War are older than I am.

I will be 55 in August. I was born the year after the Korean War ended and just about the time President Eisenhower was letting America dip its toes into the bloody cesspool of Vietnam.

Here we are 40 years after Robert McNamara’s last day as Secretary of Defense, and people still hate his guts. Lyndon B. Johnson’s last day as President was 40 years ago, and people still think of all the Americans he got killed. Dick Nixon’s first day as President was 40 years ago, and he will be remembered for bombing Cambodia and sending troops into Laos and extending the Vietnam War for political reasons, thereby ascending to his second term over a big pile of dead Americans.

Vietnam ended 35 years ago. Korea ended 56 years ago. World War II ended nearly 65 years ago. None of those wars will really be over until the last person that lived through those wars finally goes to their reward.

I mention these things because I want to give Dubya, VP Dick, Rummy, Wolfowitz, et al., some idea of how long their names will be linked to needlessly dead Americans. All things being equal, there should still be someone willing to spit on their graves clear into the next century.

People take getting people killed rather personally.

That brings me to the pile of dead Americans we can blame on President Obama.

Officially, President Obama’s pile of dead Americans hasn’t reached 100. In the scheme of things, that’s not that many dead Americans; for the families of those dead Americans, however, the number is significant.

Governor Sanford and Senator Ensign got caught with their pants down. Farrah Fawcett died. Billy Mays died. Ed McMahon died. Michael Jackson died. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a dead celebrity or someone’s naughty bits.

Governor Sarah Palin (in hip waders) wanted to explain how real winners quit before the job is done, and networks flew their first team up to Alaska to interview an ex-beauty queen with the mental agility of Jello.

Americans die in Afghanistan (a war that would have been over if Dubya hadn’t started his wet dream war in Iraq.) and Americans die to make Iraq safe for multinational oil conglomerates, and we get file footage because everybody is out covering Sarah Palin and worrying about who really fathered Paris, Prince, and Blanket.

Once the Democrats screw up National Health Insurance, they will have blown the two biggest wishes of the people that gave them their paper majority…they will have failed to end the war and to make health care affordable for everyone. Hell, if we could get the Democrats to starve a few old people or kick some orphans in the teeth, we’d have the Republican Party.

Hey, Democrats, on November 2, 2010, there are going to be some elections. We get to pass judgment on everyone in the House of Representatives and on one-third of the Senate. Perhaps you should get off your asses and start giving us what we want.

Back to my point…Yes, I’m still pissed that Robert S. McNamara tried to get my father killed and that he succeeded in getting so many other people killed.

Dubya and his crew might as well relax. They will be associated with lying to get Americans killed, torturing our prisoners of war, and shooting old men in the face long after I’m gone.

I can hold a grudge for a long time. My final wishes are to be cremated and have my ashes divided up into small piles which my daughters are to blow into the eyes of my enemies.

Have a nice day.

Independence Day

By Bill Devol

“…All men are created equal…they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights…life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” (American Declaration of Independence)

“…To secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.” (Ibid)

All men…not just straight, white, rich, Christian men…If you have a penis, you are in the club.

Unfortunately, however, it is clear that the founding fathers did not suggest that all women were created equal or that they should have any say as to what we men decide about how the government should be run.

That leaves people that get a penis through surgery and hormone therapy and people that were born with a penis and lost it through surgery, accident, and/or disease in some sort of rights limbo.

Our founding fathers never intended women to have any unalienable rights. Thomas Jefferson (et. al.), must have thought women’s rights should be alienable…”capable of being transferred by a legal process to another owner.”

Women got the right to vote in 1926 when men gave their consent to women’s suffrage. Women have had a say in things since men agreed to give them the right to vote; August 26 will mark the 83^rd year that women have had any official role in regulating what goes on around here.

Since womens rights are alienable, we men could vote to take any rights away any damn time we want to vote them away. It would be very hard, however, since we already gave women the right to vote, but all it would take is 51 percent of the country to vote to repeal any alienable rights bestowed on women.

Of course this whole crazy idea is rendered moot by Section 1 of the 14^th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America:

“All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

You see what those tricky bastards did? They switched from men to person, so, once women were given the right to vote, they couldn’t have that right taken away from them “without due process of law.”

Those tricky bastards then cut off the probability of taking away rights even more by saying States couldn’t deny “any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” That one word, “person,” screws everything up.

Let us leave this misogynist day dream behind. I do not advocate the disenfranchisement of women.

I have put myself at the mercy of women with no sense of irony to suggest that what happened to the rights of gay couples in California amounts to the same thing as taking back the rights of women to vote, own property, enter into a contract, or marry whomever they please.

Look, as long as we are denying rights based on sexual orientation, I’d like to put in a bid for banning Furries from damn near everything. Ever heard of them?

They dig anthropomorphic animals so much that they dress up in mascot suits and hang out with each other. They develop “fursonas,” and some Furries find sexual gratification while in their mascot suits the ultimate turn on.

Sex with someone of the same gender seems normal compared to sex between two people in Wiley Coyote suits.

I say we stop leather freaks from marrying and people with pierced genitals from riding public transportation.

Saran wrap and chocolate pudding fetishists really have no business teaching school at any grade level.

Come on, the only reason the Bible doesn’t say God hates people that cover themselves with primary color latex paint before they have sex is because the people that took divine dictation thought God was joking around when he said, “Write that down…No latex paint with sex!”

Look, when Adam and Steve love each other very much, they should be able to get married…Hell, Angelina Jolie was once allowed to marry Billy Bob Thornton.

As long as one is male and one is female and both are of legal age, the government has almost nothing to say about who gets married. Both people could be gay and just get married for medical insurance, but Tricia and Eve are just out of luck.

Why is that fair?

“…All men are created equal…they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights…life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Happy Independence Day!

Peeing in the cornflakes

By Bill Devol

Over on Fox News, Gretchen Carlson, Miss America 1989 and Co-Host of Fox and Friends, let the news story of the decade just dribble out from between her lips recently.

Gretchen’s Co-Host, Steve Douche, told Ms. Carlson that Iran’s Revolutionary Council admitted that the voter turnout in some Iranian cities was higher than 100 percent.

In response to Steve’s statement, Gretchen said, “That happened in the U. S. in November too, in some cities…ummm…so maybe that should be a wakeup call to us, as well.”

Gretchen, are you holding out on us? Do you have knowledge that the voter turnout in last November’s election was above 100 percent in some American cites…which is impossible…which means the results were faked…which means there was voter fraud in the November elections and you never said a word?

Gretchen, I’m disappointed in you. A story like that deserves more than a throw-away line. You should have a news special about it.

What cities? How much more than 100 percent? In who’s favor was the voter fraud? Who found out about it? How did they find out? Is there any evidence of this gross miscarriage of our electoral trust?

Damn it, woman, we need the facts.

What do you mean when you say “maybe that should be a wakeup call to us, as well?”

Without all those facts I was asking about, I don’t know quite what I’m getting the wake up call to do?

Should we run into the streets and begin protesting? Should I get a Twitter account and begin clandestine tweets from the heart of the protests and demonstrations? Should I upload cell phone video of police brutality?

Gretchen, quit peeing in my cornflakes. Really, Gretchen, were you suggesting that Barack Obama stole the November election and that we, the American people, should rise up and take to the streets demanding free and fair elections?

Gretchen, are you asking for a do-over? Should we even have another election? Perhaps we should just throw Barack Obama the Hell out of the White House and move in John McCain.

No, no, no, I got it, Gretchen. We should put Dubya and VP Dick back in and start all over again. We should do that because they did such a great job and their national approval rating was so low because of the liberal media and not because they screwed up every single thing they touched and got thousands of American service personnel killed.

Gretchen, if you believe half the crap you shovel over there on Fox News, a Belgian waffle could outwit you. You’d have to get smarter just to be a moron. You couldn’t find your ass with a flashlight and a map.

If you don’t believe half the crap you shovel and shovel it any way just for the money, then we know what you are; we just don’t know what you charge to spend the night.

Do you hear me Bill O’Rielly, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, William Kristol, William Bennet, and all the rest of the high-priced, right-wing media hookers out there…quit peeing in my corflakes.

Barack Obama kicked your ass because people finally saw through your crap.

If Barack Obama turns out to be a lousy President, the longest he can be around is eight years. Hell, even that dipstick Dubya couldn’t destroy the whole shooting match in eight years, so I’m sure we will survive four to eight years of Barack Obama.

Saints Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John on a unicycle…Barack Obama isn’t the second coming or the anti-Christ. He’s a politician.

AND…you Democratic pussies in the House and the Senate better not screw up health care again. You are peeing in my corn flakes, as well. What good is having a majority capable of cramming anything down the throat of the opposition if you pussy up and cut and run every time you get a chance to stand up for America and the people that voted you into power?

Are you all whores that bend over for the highest bidder?

President Obama, don’t ask me to back you 100 percent if you can’t deliver on don’t ask don’t tell, equal rights for gays, and transparent government. So far, my friend, you have kicked the props out from under gay America and have copped the Dubya attitude on what you want to share with us and what is tippy-top secret.

By the way, Mr. President, END THE MOTHERF**KING IRAQ WAR! By my accounting, you have done less than diddly squat to end the Iraq war. We are waiting…tick, tock…real people with families are dying…tick, tock…they are dying on your watch.

My corn flakes are really, really soggy.

What’s the Deal?

By Bill Devol

It wasn’t until 1967 that the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) ruled on the Constitutionality of black people marrying white people. The case was Loving v. Virginia, and it started through the lower courts in 1963.

It was a felony for people of different races to marry in Virginia. If you have time, and you don’t mind having your blood pressure raised, Google “miscegenation laws.”

Up until the time of Loving v. Virginia, the SCOTUS had avoided taking any cases concerning interracial marriage. Their 1967 ruling struck down miscegenation laws on the books in Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Florida, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, South Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, West Virginia, and Delaware.

The Lovings had been married in 1958 in Washington, D. C., where their union was legal, but they could not live as man and wife across the line in Virginia. They moved to Virginia anyhow and were arrested in their bedroom and charged with violation of Virginia’s 1924 Racial Integrity Act.

The judge that heard their original case in 1958, Leon Bazile, was lenient and said he would suspend the couple’s sentences if they agreed to leave Virginia for 25 years. The Lovings moved to Washington, D. C., and decided to appeal Leon’s original verdict in 1963.

It took until 1965 for Judge Bazile to reconsider his original verdict. He declined to change his mind. At that time Leon wrote:

“Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.”

Leon was speaking for God…case closed.

When Loving v. Virginia was offered to the SCOTUS, they realized they had to make a ruling. All 9 Justices ruled in favor of the Lovings. It was unanimous. The following was contained in the SCOTUS ruling:

“Marriage is one of the ‘basic civil rights of man,’ fundamental to our very existence and survival…. To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State’s citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not to marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.”

You see where this is going, don’t you?

According to Leon Bazile and millions of other white people in 1965, God was on their side. They were positive that God did not want the races to intermarry (have sex), but the SCOTUS said, “We don’t care…fair is fair.”

More than 40 years ago, the SCOTUS had to step in and tell the Godstapo to mind their own freaking business. They had to wait for someone to keep pushing a case up the legal chain of command before they could rule, but they did the right thing when they finally took Loving v. Virginia.

What’s the deal?

Today’s Godstapo says God doesn’t want gay people to get married (have sex). They can lather up into homophobic tizzies just thinking about Adam and Steve or Sally and Eve, however, all the laws preventing gay people from getting married amount to the same thing as the Virginia law overturned by Loving v. Virginia.

Someday, and sooner than the Godstapo believes, there will be a case that the SCOTUS will finally accept that will end all this anti-gay insanity once and for all. The ruling could go something like this:

“Marriage is one of the ‘basic civil rights of human beings,’ fundamental to our very existence and survival…. To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the sexual orientation embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State’s citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment is clear when it says ‘All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.’ A person is not defined by their sexual orientation, so to deny members of the same sex any of the rights and privileges granted to other citizens would be to deny their personhood. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not to marry, a person of a particular sexual orientation resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.”

Suck it Scalia!

Let’s Review

By Bill Devol

I learned that it was counterproductive to begin teaching 9^th grade English with the assumption that my students had learned enough from the previous 8 years. It would be like trying to teach swimming to people that never learned they can’t breathe under water.

We are halfway through 2009, and it looks like we assumed too much and need to do some reviewing:

Out of the past 8 years and 5 months, Barack Obama has been the President for only 5 months.

I was walking to get a cup of coffee last week when I fell in beside a coworker in search of a cup for himself. He asked me how long I thought it would be before Barack Obama quadrupled the national deficit.

I reminded my coworker of the short tenure of the current President and reminded him of the length of time the last guy had the job. I reminded him that when the President before Barack Obama took over there was no deficit. He stared at me blankly and then asked again how long it would be before Obama quadrupled the national deficit.

We have had things that record sounds and images for a very long time and they are used whenever prominent citizens appear in groups or individually.

During a trip to Berlin before the election, Barack Obama made a speech in which he said he was a citizen of the world. Earlier this week, Newt Gingrich made a speech in which he said that Barack Obama’s citizen of the world statement was “intellectual nonsense and stunningly dangerous.”

Once, in a speech before the United Nations General Assembly, President Ronald Reagan introduced himself as “both a citizen of the United States and of the world.”

In your face, Newt!

History proves that you can never kill all of the people you hate and that homicidal maniac is not a good career choice.

Recent events in America should serve to remind us that we should fear the loose nuts walking around and not some Gitmo prisoners held in super-max federal prisons. I’m talking about the racial supremacists, holocaust deniers, anti-abortion crazies, religious holy warriors, and the other assorted nuts that believe that if they get the genocide ball rolling the rest of us will follow along.

If making something illegal could stop it from happening, all we’d need for a perfect world is a legislature.

The Temperance movement believed the following words added to the United States Constitution by way of the 21^st Amendment in 1933 would solve what they saw as America’s greatest problem.

“The transportation or importation into any State, Territory, or Possession of the United States for delivery or use therein of intoxicating liquors, in violation of the laws thereof, is hereby prohibited.”

I wonder how that worked out for the Temperance Movement.

When ever anyone in authority wants to keep something from you for your own protection, it is almost always for their protection.

Senators Lindsey Graham (Republican from South Carolina) and Joe Lieberman (Independent from Connecticut) threw a tandem tantrum Tuesday.

It seems they damn near busted a gasket when they learned that members of a House-Senate conference committee working out the differences between the House and Senate versions of the supplemental war spending bill were ready to remove an amendment proposed by Graham and Lieberman that would block release of detainee abuse photos that have yet to be published.

To be fair, President Obama doesn’t want the photos released either. All those opposed to release of these photos say they want to protect Americans from retaliation.

Here’s the best part…by trying to repress the photographs, the Senators and the President make us all want to see them even more.

Besides, if you had photographs of abuses of my family that were so bad you were scared to show them to me for fear of retribution, I’d start kicking your ass anyway.

Those photos are going to get leaked no matter what. Some day soon Perez Hilton or TMZ will get them from somebody and post them online.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you pour it up his nose, it’s torture.

Did I miss the minute when we stopped arguing about using torture and started arguing about if it works or not?

Dick Cheney would have felt right at home during the Inquisition…”Well, yes, he did die, but he admitted he was a Devil-worshiping demon from Hell before he bled to death.”

People are still dying in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I don’t have a joke for this one; I just thought someone should mention it. We are up to 4,311 dead people and still counting. If you add in the dead from Afghanistan, we have 5,011 dead Americans and nothing to show for it except Steven Colbert’s buzz cut.

That was really creepy

By Bill Devol

Last week, I wrote the following:

I do oppose the people that are against abortion for any reason, against the “morning after pill,” against providing early instruction on how to keep sperm and egg from colliding, against distributing devices or medicine that would keep sperm and egg from colliding, or that believe aborting a doctor at gunpoint in his/her 160^th trimester is a good idea.

I think the nut that aborted Dr. Tiller in his 204^th trimester last Sunday in Dr. Tiller’s own freaking church might be just the kind of person I was talking about.

I don’t want to waste any time talking about how Dr. Tiller was performing legal abortions. Randall Terry, head of Operation Rescue, would tell you that Dr. Tiller was violating a higher law. Terry’s reaction to the extremely late-term abortion of Dr. Tiller was just two steps up from dancing a jig, dropping his pants, and firing a rocket.

Let me change the circumstances of Sunday’s extremely late-term abortion for the sake of my argument. Dr. Tiller is aborted at gunpoint in church, but his abortionist is shot and aborted by a member of the congregation with a conceal/carry permit and an itchy trigger finger.

Got that scenario…both doctor and nut bag get aborted and appear in front of Saint Peter at the same time.

The truly creepy thing is that under the rock of the ultra rabid anti abortion activists from which last Sunday’s extremely late-term abortionist crawled, they believe that Saint Peter would welcome the guy that aborted Dr. Tiller and turn around and send Dr. Tiller to Hell.

Where have we encountered such thinking recently…let’s see…hmmmm…I remember…kill the enemies of Islam, and get 72 virgins in the afterlife.

Yep, terrorism! If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…it’s a terrorist.

At least the terrorists that have warped Islam to allow for murder have the decency to dress and talk funny. You can know them by the sand in their shoes and the dynamite strapped to their bellies.

The kinds of terrorists that aborted Dr. Tiller look just like you and me. You could have one in the next cubicle at work. You could have one in the pew in front of you in church. Your bus driver could be one. She could believe that crashing her bus and its passengers into an abortion clinic is just the kind of thing that God really appreciates. They look normal, but they believe God would reward them for killing people that perform legal abortions.

They are everywhere. They look just like you and me. You don’t know they believe in aborting an abortionist until they begin to pull the trigger, toss the bomb, or push the button on a radio-controlled Improvised Explosive Device…just like the other terrorists.

Just imagine if rabid abortion rights activists came to believe that God sanctioned and looked with favor on the aborting of rabid anti abortion of activists. Crap, no one would be safe. Every social and moral controversy could devolve into the Earps and the Clantons at the OK Corral (without Val Kilmer and Kurt Russell).

The real problem, of course, is that boys and men of all ages are murdering untold hundreds of trillions of potential human beings every day in our towns, cities, and states. None one cries for these wasted lives.

Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery is the Seventh Commandment. In Matthew 5:28, it says “But I say to you, every [one] looking on a woman in order to lust after her already committed adultery [with] her in his heart. “

B-I-N-G-O! It’s a no brainer…from God’s mouth to my ear. These evil men and boys are mocking the laws of God.

My problem is that if I kill a man or boy to get them to stop killing potential human beings, I’ve killed all the potential human beings inside them. I figure God doesn’t want me to do that, but I need to get this country right with God’s commandments.

Don’t you worry. I’ll get some real anti abortion rights nut bags and get them thinking on how we can kill these sinners without killing the potential human beings inside them.

Perhaps we can come up with some kind of you have to kill a few potential human beings to make the world safe for the other potential human beings you kill to make everybody else scared to get caught killing potential human beings.

Look, I’m half way to justifying murder already, and I barely even tried. As soon as I get this figured out, I’ll start to work on how to stop all those women and girls from murdering helpless ovum each month.

I’m going to be sorry for this

By Bill Devol

Since Roe v. Wade, a Supreme Court nominee is judged on what people think they would rule on abortion. This is the litmus test; nothing else matters.

I am not a Constitutional scholar, but the 10^th Amendment to the Constitution says:

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

Abortion, in my opinion, should never go before the Supreme Court unless the United States Constitution gets amended, and that is never going to happen.

Back in 1973, real Constitutional scholars on the United States Supreme Court agreed to rule on a Texas state law which made procuring or attempting an abortion except on medical advice for the purpose of saving the mother’s life a criminal offense.

I actually went out and read the majority opinion in Roe v. Wade which was written by Justice Harry A. Blackmun (appointed to the Court in 1970 by President Richard Nixon). I found the text at www.tourolaw.edu/patch/Roe/, but you can find it in many other places.

By a 7-2 vote, the all-male Supreme Court ruled that “a state criminal abortion statute of the current (1973) Texas type, that excepts from criminality only a lifesaving procedure on behalf of the mother, without regard to pregnancy stage and without recognition of the other interests involved, is violative of the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment.”

Along with that ruling, the Court provided the following guidelines for “constitutional” abortion laws:

For the stage prior to approximately the end of the first trimester, the abortion decision and its effectuation must be left to the medical judgment of the pregnant woman’s attending physician.

For the stage subsequent to viability, the State in promoting its interest in the potentiality of human life may, if it chooses, regulate, and even proscribe, abortion except where it is necessary, in appropriate medical judgment, for the preservation of the life or health of the mother.

For the stage subsequent to approximately the end of the first trimester, the State, in promoting its interest in the health of the mother, may, if it chooses, regulate the abortion procedure in ways that are reasonably related to maternal health.

An abortion prevents life; there is no arguing that point.

Anti-abortion people say a woman should have no rights over her body once sperm and egg collide; they want the state to intervene and regulate the pregnancy and the woman until the pregnancy reaches its “natural” conclusion.

Pro-choice people say the state has no right to regulate a woman’s reproductive choices; a woman should not have to submit to state regulation once sperm and egg collide.

Roe v. Wade is a shaky compromise. It can never satisfy those that believe abortion is murder, and it is all that personal reproductive rights advocates have to cling to.

I am personally anti-abortion; I would never get one if I found out I was pregnant. I will not, however, ever have to confront that dilemma seeing as how I am never going to be pregnant.

I can not side with those that would hold a woman prisoner during her fertile years. I can respect people that believe abortion is murder; they have no choice but to oppose its availability.

I do oppose the people that are against abortion for any reason, against the “morning after pill,” against providing early instruction on how to keep sperm and egg from colliding, against distributing devices or medicine that would keep sperm and egg from colliding, or that believe aborting a doctor at gunpoint in his/her 160^th trimester is a good idea.

As far as I can tell, these people are basically against sex and believe that if you do the horizontal bop you should pay all the freight that comes with it. To paraphrase Hamlet’s Mom, “The nut cakes doth protest too much, methinks.”

You would think that they’d be OK with gay people having sex since no abortions would be contemplated, but they are especially against sex between Adam and Steve or Brandy and Eve. They quote the Bible in their opposition to abortion or gayness.

If God hates abortion and gayness as much as these folks say he does, he will even up with all those sinners on the other end. The nuts want to even up on this side of death…sort of behave like the God of the living…sort of like they don’t believe God can handle it…tisk, tisk, why you gotta’ be hatin’ on God?

By the way Justice William Rehnquist wrote the Court’s minority opinion on Roe v. Wade back in 1973. Justice Rehnquist also was appointed by Richard Nixon. He was later promoted him to Chief Justice during Ronald Reagan’s Presidency.

Two Supreme Court Justices, one president, two different decisions…hmmmmmmm.

We have a word for that

By Bill Devol

Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader and one of the 53 Democrats that voted on Tuesday to kick President Obama in the coin purse by voting against the funds the President requested to close that infected sore called the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center (Gitmo) said Tuesday that Americans don’t want terrorists released in their country.

When a reporter suggested that no one was talking about releasing the prisoners but transferring them to different prisons, Harry dropped this gem, “Can’t put them in prison unless you release them.”

Harry, you ignorant slut…you won, dumb ass. Your party won. You kicked the crap out of the Republican Party with promises of closing Gitmo, health care reform, and shutting down the asinine war in Iraq.

So far, you cowardly piece of quivering gutlessness, you have given Barack Obama more trouble than you ever gave Dubya and VP Dick.

You Other 52 Democratic Senators need your asses kicked up between your shoulder blades so you have to take your shirts off to crap on the promises you made.

The House of Representatives did the same thing on May 4 when House Appropriations Committee Chairman Representative David Obey (D- Wisconsin) told President Obama Congress was stripping his $80 million request for closing Gitmo out of Obama’s supplemental request for the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.

Obey was nearly as brilliant as Reid when he said, “So far as we can tell, there is yet no concrete program for that, and while I don’t mind defending a concrete program, I’m not much interested in wasting my energy defending a theoretical program. So when they have a plan, they’re welcome to come back and talk to us about it.”

Dave, you rancid piece of whale blubber, here’s the plan…Close the motherf**king place. Close it. Shut it down. Take the current prisoners out of Gitmo, put them in maximum security facilities here in America, and bulldoze that chain-link Hell.

You Democratic idiots won! Get it? We think you had the best vision for the future, so we voted for you. If you do what you told us you were going to do, we will probably be OK with that…we voted for you!

The Republicans used to dream of a permanent majority…why the Hell should they bother when they can get the Democrats to run screaming into the hills for their Mommies with a MI-F**KING-NORITY?

When Grant accepted Lee’s surrender at Appomattox Courthouse in 1865, did he hand Lee back his sword and tell him to forget it? No…because he won!

When Ronald Reagan kicked Jimmy Carter’s peanut farming butt in 1980, did Ron ask him to stay on to help out? No…because he won!

Did the Republicans roll over and piddle on themselves when they had the Presidency and a majority in both Houses of Congress? No…because they won!

I know you Democrats are unfamiliar with this winning thing, but if the Republicans can figure it out, I have hope that Democrats can, as well.

Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi have rolled over and played dead for the folks on the other side of the aisle so often that you’d think they were getting Scooby Snacks.

Nancy has shown a little backbone recently, but only because the Republicans were trying to paint her as a fellow traveler on the torture train. Harry strikes fear of laughing so hard they will wet their pants deep in the hearts of the Republican Party.

Here is how bad things are…Newt Gingrich is calling the Democrats out.

Newt “Ethics Violation” Gingrich is calling the Democrats out.

Newt “Screw Around on Your Wife with a Staff Member while Calling for the Impeachment of the President for Screwing Around with a Staff Member” Gingrich is calling the Democrats out.

Newt “Gosh, too Bad About the Cancer Honey, How About a Divorce” Gingrich is calling the Democrats out.

If the Democrats can’t send Newt back home with his tail between his legs, then they can’t stand up to anyone.

Here, let me show you how this could work. Call a press conference. Have Harry Reid walk to the microphone and say the following:

“Newt, you self-serving, book-promoting, serial adultering, ass bag of a human being, you wouldn’t know truth and honor if you picked them up for a threesome in Las Vegas. I would rather cut my own nuts off with mint-flavored dental floss than take patriotism lessons from you. Newt, screw you, screw the horse you rode in on, and screw anyone that would spend 5 minutes of their life asking you what you think about anything other than what you think about shutting the Hell up.”

You won; you incredible Democratic pussies…throw your weight around and create change…don’t just wait around and hope for change.

Throw Down on the Potomac

By Bill Devol

Back On April 24 I wrote the following entry in my personal journal:

The toothpaste is out of the tube. That would be the torture toothpaste. Torture is consuming our national debate. Dubya and VP Dick really stuck their (anatomical euphemism deleted) in the torture tar baby.

This is one of the things that can consume an administration. The Bush administration may eat the Obama administration.

It will devolve into mass throat slitting on both sides of the aisle. At first, it will be on party lines. If it turns out that heads will really roll, both sides will begin to eat their young…OK…what is more likely is that the young of each of the parties will use this to usurp the leadership positions of the old.

There is blood in the water, and our politicians are sharks. This could get really, really fun…nothing will be done to help us…but we can cheer the carnage.

VP Dick is out on his King Lear Meets A Few Good Men tour, “You can’t handle the truth; How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless country!”

VP Dick is walking around beating his chest and telling anyone that will listen that he thought torture was just the best thing and how well it worked. He is suggesting anyone that doesn’t have the stomach to do what is necessary to defend this country is the worst kind of pussy…perhaps even the same kind of pussy that would take five draft deferments during the Vietnam war.

The CIA is saying, “Hey we told everybody that was important that we were kicking the crap out of our prisoners; they must have thought it was OK.”

Speaker of the House Pelosi came out yesterday and said the CIA was a bunch of liars with their pants on fire. House Minority Leader John Boehner (pronounced Boner) came back with, “Those CIA guys are the best people on earth and as honest as the day is long. They have never even stretched the truth.” That of course is a great way to say, “Nancy Pelosi is a lying bag of flaming dog sh*t.”

President Obama decided that releasing additional torture photos would just make more people angry with us. But, in the same week, he decided that maybe he’ll keep Guantanamo open for just a bit longer and perhaps military tribunals wouldn’t be so bad for some of the guys.

Senator Jeff Sessions from Alabama added another good reason to keep the detainees at Gitmo. Sessions, the ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, pointed out that the Gitmo prisoners “…wouldn’t be treated any better in the United States, and they wouldn’t have the tropical breezes blowing through.”

There is about to be a pretty nasty throw down on the Potomac. The entire Congress and one-third of the Senate are up for re-election in less than 18 months. Both parties are going to be flinging poo at each other fast and furious just to see what sticks.

Nothing will get done. The economy will still suck. There will be no health care reform. American soldiers will still be dying in Iraq and Afghanistan; I expect they will start dying in Pakistan, as well.

It’s almost as if the two parties don’t give a crap what we think except every two years or so when a bunch of politicians need our votes to send them back to the Throw Down on the Potomac. The throw down is the goal. You must be able to make a royal sh*tload of cash going to Washington and calling everybody else an assbag.

It’s not like the politicians even care about torture that damn much. They’ve caught on that it is perhaps the greatest wedge issue ever. It may be greater than since race, religion, and homosexuality all rolled together.

If this wasn’t the greatest country ever dreamed up by men in satin knickers and powered wigs, I might be tempted to go elsewhere.

I have to keep reminding myself that only in America can fat, mouthy oxycontin freaks be paid millions of dollars a year to make fun of Parkinson patients and 96-year-old mothers of Presidential candidates…oh, and don’t forget that Magic Negro thing.

Only in America do Republican Governors take bailout money like they were being paid under the table with cash by the guy that picked them up at Home Depot to do a roofing job.

Only in America can you find a political party that proves it picked its National Chairman because he was black by never listening to a freaking thing he says and never letting him make any important decisions…just like they do with regular black people.

I love this country, but sometimes the people suck out loud.

Conserve this!

By Bill Devol

Conservatism in theory, nothing to excess, is a great idea. Conservatism in practice, blaming the poor and the weak for dragging down the rich and the strong, really sucks dead donkeys.

I recently saw some photos taken at various Tea Party rallies this past April 15. Many of those signs gave me the impression that some Limbaugh Conservatives have been convinced that the Obama Presidency is a plot to steal wealth from the rich and strong.

Here’s what a few signs said:

• My neighbor bought a big house, and all I got was his lousy payments.

• Honk if I am paying your mortgage.

• Help me, Mr. Obama. They want me to work and stuff.

• Obamunism, equality in poverty, Yes we can spread the wealth.

• War on achievement is not the answer.

The banking crisis didn’t spread from the bottom up when a bunch of poor and weak people forced banks to lend them money for houses they couldn’t afford.

The “hand outs” have been to the banking industry. The financial crisis came about when politicians, both Democratic and Republican, started taking money from the banking industry.

I may not have this exactly right, but the following is the basic story of our little problem…

People made house loans to folks that never could have qualified for such loans in a regulated banking industry. Before anyone could catch on that the loans were bad, they were sold to companies that buy mortgages and bundle them to sell to investors (i.e., real estate speculators, retirement trusts, and pension funds).

This whole scam is based on the “fact” that real estate always grows in value. Loans given in a regulated banking industry had to be based in reality. These loans were made in de-regulation land.

The mortgage bundlers say they have a mortgage-based security worth $50,000,000. The value is inflated because even a brief scrutiny by regulators would see that the loans were never going to be repaid.

The pension fund managers want to be cautious, so they go to companies like AIG and say, “I have a mortgage-based security that is worth $50,000,000. I want to buy an insurance policy for it.”

AIG officials think, “Real estate never loses money, so any insurance premiums we get will be pure profit because we will never have to pay out a dime; it is a license to print money.” AIG officials never looked back down the line to see if the loans in the mortgage-based security were worth a dime…PLUS…due to de-regulation; AIG didn’t have to prove they had the finances to pay off on these policies.

Suddenly, the loans that never should have been made start to go south. Bear in mind it was legal to lend people money on barely more than their signature.

The original lenders got their money from borrower fees and the cash from the mortgage bundlers. The bundlers got their money because they sold the bad mortgages to pension funds and other investors.

At first the pension funds and other investors cashed in their insurance policies and got something out of the collapse…BUT soon AIG (and other companies like that) had to say, “We never thought these things would collapse, and since we never had to prove we could actually pay off on any of these policies, we never had the cash reserves, and you are screwed. Could you give us $800 billion and go away.”

Technically, the crisis started when a bunch of poor and weak people defaulted on a loan they never should have gotten in the first place. I guess you could blame the poor and the weak for the financial crisis. You’d be an ass if you did, but that is one way to look at it.

This isn’t a case of the lazy, good-for-nothing, brown welfare cheats getting a free ride from President Obama. This is a case of the lazy, good-for-nothing, white banking industry getting a free ride from all the politicians they bought.

The rich and the strong have always maintained their lifestyle by exploiting the poor and the weak. In America, the rich and strong tossed, race, religion, and fear of queers into the mix and created the modern Conservative middle class to help keep the poor and the weak in their place.

Genius…except…because of the de-regulation the banking industry paid for the middle class in America is shrinking. These folks that loved God and hated queers with the best of them will be pissed when they get lumped in with all the other lazy, good-for-nothing, brown welfare cheats getting a free ride.

I hope Rush Limbaugh tells them to get a job.