By Bill Devol
If you are a highly decorated, certified Air Force pilot hero that has sex with people of the same gender, you have to leave the military, but if you show signs of being a violent Islamic extremist with a bad service record, you get to stay in the military until you kill 13 of your fellow soldiers.
Wow…that really doesn’t make any sense.
Tuesday, the Governor of Rhode Island, Don Carcieri, vetoed a bill that would have given same sex partners the right to…wait for it…wait for it…plan each others funerals. The Republican Governor of our smallest state has proven he has an equally small mind by calling this bill an incremental erosion of heterosexual marriage.
Having your funeral planned by the person you loved is erosion of heterosexual marriage? Even giving gay people posthumous equality is too much.
Wow…Governor Carcieri, you are a real dick.
In Ohio, if I author a legally witnessed document that says my dog Edgar gets to plan my funeral, the State of Ohio can’t do anything about it. My family can sue, but the State of Ohio can’t do a freaking thing.
In Rhode Island, if I was gay and died without a legally binding document naming my same-sex partner as my funeral planner, my Dad could flip my partner off and bury me any way he wanted. In such a case, I’d get a shave and a haircut, I’d be buried in a suit with an “I Love Poontang” lapel button, and there would be strippers at the wake.
How much do you have to hate someone to f**k up their funeral?
I’m glad I asked…
Fred Phelps, Sr., pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, and his parishioners have been f**king up the funerals of gay people for more than a decade.
If you have time (and a strong stomach) let your fingers Google godhatesfags.com. It’s at this web site that you get to share the wisdom of the belief that god wants us to heckle the mourners at the funerals of gay people.
The Reverend Phelps also has decided that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are part of the “fag” agenda. Because of this, any soldiers that fights in these wars are defending the “fag” way of life, so when they die, they are going to Hell. Good old Fred and his flock actually attend the funerals of those that died in combat and heckle the mourners.
Wow…those Westboro Baptists are a bunch of dicks.
Samuel Johnson is oft credited with a line that goes something like this, “Sir, only God has the right to judge us, and he only does it once at the end of our lives.” I don’t know if Mr. Johnson actually said it, but the anti-gay rights crowd can take the sentiment and shove it up their asses…in a purely heterosexual way, of course.
In Maine, last week, the voters overturned a state law legalizing same-sex marriages. Many people were worried that “they would have to teach same-sex marriage in the schools.”
Such a statement is really code for, “they will have to tell little kids what gay people do to each other when they have sex.”
Since straight marriage is legal in Maine and everywhere else, I could argue that “they have to teach straight marriage in the schools.” I could suggest that they have to tell little kids what straight people do to each other when they have sex….“Then Daddy calls Mommy a frigid bitch, and storms out of the house to get drunk at the strip club.”
That is ridiculous, of course, but it’s the same twisted logic that people buy when they need a reason to be so scared of gay people that they want them all to go away.
I don’t know why so many un-gay people are scared of gay people. I have always been of the opinion that they think gay cooties will turn them gay over time.
It has to be fear…doesn’t it? Only fear can drive you to deny the human rights of a whole group of people both before and after death.
Fear of gay people is unfounded, but every time the straight community gets a chance to extend an olive branch to the gay community we manage to let fear mongers screw it up.
I don’t fear gay people…although, there are some lesbians that make me a little nervous sometimes…it’s the ones on the motorcycles…they look really tough.
All kidding aside…some of those biker lesbians have really huge muscles and tattoos, and they look like they want to drag me behind their bikes…hold it…that’s not actually fear…I think it may be a really inappropriate and disturbing fantasy…forget what I said.
